I have never been one to really come out with my feelings. I don't like to be exposed. I don't like to seem dramatic. I am not one to write how terrible things are so that people will pity me. But, I realized that I need to get some support. This blog will be my support... I don't care if anyone ever reads it... But me writing it? yeah, that's therapeutic.
I am coming out with a flaw. For those of you who know me well, this is no surprise. But I smile and pretend that everything is fine. Well. It's not fine and I am here to change.
My whole life I have had issues with body image. I matured faster than other girls in elementary school, and I always felt like I was fat. Because I thought it for so many years, I started to become what I thought I was. If I had only seen myself as beautiful and normal back then, I may not have started this vicious cycle.
I am just ready to be happy about who I am, and in order to be happy I need to live a healthy life. I am never going to be a size 0 and I know that now...
This blog is here for me to be accountable to. I may have good days, I may have bad... hopefully less bad because I am exposing so much...
I have always said, I can't do this, I will never be able to wear that, My body shape doesn't compliment that. Well, I am going to do it. Lately it is affecting me differently. I have had social issues because of it. I won't go to the store. I won't get a job. It is ruining my life and I have to change it.
It is interesting that when I finally realized that I was ready to change, I suddenly felt so powerful. I hope it stays with me... Most importantly, I know that my Father in Heaven is going to help me on this journey.
So... My first goal is to lose 30 pounds. And then 20 and then 20 more, but right now I am focusing on my first 30.
Here is the plan:
South Beach diet (I always loathed the idea of this)
What it is:
Phase 1: 2 weeks without carbs (I can do anything for two weeks right?!) I eat lean meats, low fat cheese, beans, lots of vegetables...
Phase 2: Introduce fruits and whole wheat pasta, brown rice and wheat bread.
Phase 3: Maintain it.
The thing I liked about this diet is that the first two weeks supposedly bring great results. And a good start is what I need for motivation.
Okay? ready...set... I can do this! Yesterday I did great! I would way rather live a happy and empowered life than eat a candy bar! What was I thinking?! OKAY! GO!
wow good for you Kelsey! I know how ya feel, I matured way faster than other girls too. Maybe I'll join ya!
ReplyDeleteKelsey!! First... no matter what size or shape you are, I have always known how incredibly beautiful you are. So beautiful, it has always killed me to know that you don't know how beautiful you are.
ReplyDeleteSecond. You can do it. I know you can. I know it will be hard. I promise it will. I lost about 70 lbs, and I promise it was so hard, but it got more comfortable, it started to become a lifestyle and I loved that. I have gained some back, though, which is discouraging, but it is life. So I know that it is something I will have to do consistently, all my life to control. But I am willing to because like you said, it feels powerful.
I am going to do it with you!!! Wanna have a weigh in day? We can call each other each week on a planned morning and weigh in together. That has always helped me stay on track, too.
So just no carbs for this first 2 weeks? I think I can, I think I can. It will be hard since carbs are a pretty good chunk of my, uh... chunk :P
And last. Don't say no. I want to throw in some motivation. Every 10 lbs come see me. I will color and cut your hair every 10 lbs, on me. And I will make you, so just say "Sweet, thanks!".
Love you, Kel. Didn't mean for this to be so long, sorry :)
Hey Kel---
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome! I'm so proud of you---I have such a hard exposing any of my personal self.
Also, I want to help---I didn't go back to school because I wanted to work in a gym someday (because, let's face it, I don't really have ANY desire to do that), but because I needed more balance in MY ideas about fitness and nutrition and because I wanted to actually have the tools I'd need to help people I care about feel good about their bodies and feel like they're in control of their weight, emotions, nutrition, life, etc.
So I want to help in any way I can---making a fitness plan together, helping plan out some simple nutrition lifestyle changes that will be easier to adapt to, healthier, and more balanced than any commercial diet, and just sharing some of the cool stuff I'm learning in my classes.
I'm really excited about this Kel---you deserve to feel good about yourself!! (Sorry this is so long!)
I love you Kel!
Kelsey, I love you! So so much! If i can help you in any way, I will. I love you so much. I am so proud of you for starting a new life. I cannot wait to see the outcome!! We should like exercise together or something?! Like walking?! Biking?! Something! I want to help any way I can!
ReplyDeleteLove Maddie
Wow! I am in tears. I do not even know what to say...other than you are AMAZING! Just one day of you writing and I have a clearer understanding of what you have felt for so long. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Please call me when you want some carbs...and we can negotiate a better outcome...for both of us. I love you so much kel...and will pray for you. This is gonna be tough...but I know that you can do it. You deserve it! I am pointing the love sceptor straight at you and sending you and giant "beew"! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteKelsey, I've always thought that you had the ability to light up a room simply by smiling and being present. You can totally do this! I've started my own little changes too and am soon going to be doing a 10K, not a big feat for some people, but big for me. Believe me it does make a difference when you are committed to making the change happen! You're the greatest!
ReplyDelete